16 November 2007 Day 39
Originally uploaded by lilituc.
I will tell you a secret. When I feel something is wrong, I test my bg (75 cents) and test for ketones ($5.60) not because I think I will see something, but because I want it to be something that I can fix. I want it to be something manageable, like diabetes. Some of my health issues are only partly manageable. Right now one of them is managing me.
I lived with chronic pain from about 1994 to 2005. I say "lived" because the pain went from 5-6 to 1-2, not because I was not having any pain after that. Anyway, I got used to it. OTC pain medications didn't do anything for it, so I didn't bother taking them. I saw a long line of doctors who, I guess because of my circumstances, told me I was "hysterical," that it was "all in my head," acknowledged I was having the pain but said they couldn't do anything about it (?), who said I needed acupuncture (tried it), meditation (do it), needed to relax more (did it) and who sent me to specialists who were even nicer than that.
Now, they did find out that I have some very serious conditions, which they started treating in 2003. Most of the seemingly unrelated diagnoses I have are related to nerves. Please don't tell me to see a neurologist; I've seen two and neither was interested in actually diagnosing or helping me in any way. I've given up on that for now. I'm pretty convinced now that the real issue is that when they were passing out neurological systems, I drew the short, twisted straw and it is manifesting partly as some conditions that don't even have names right now.
I'm not sure why the pain (mostly) went away. It went down when I went on a beta blocker, and dropped significantly when I went on insulin, as did my chronic fatigue, but there's really no explanation in that, is there? Now, I did have bad days here and there where I was back up at 5 or 6 and an occasional 7; this happened mostly when the pressure changed outside.
These past two weeks, though, I've been firmly at 7. The first couple days, OTC medication worked, but not since then. I am not that active to begin with and now I'm having trouble with things like getting around my house. I can't seem to regain my lost skill: getting used to it. So, next week I have to go see my somewhat new Internal Med doctor, whom I have never chatted with about the chronic pain before, and tell him that the pain is back, and that no one ever found a reason for it. But what can he do? Give me a stronger painkiller? Will I have to take it forever? I am worried.