Thursday, November 08, 2007

Surviving

That is what I'm trying to do..survive. To somehow put my life back together. Some days it's like an emptiness, and other days it's like a punch in the gut. I try not to think about it, but it's hard, because every day it's something. I think, "I have to tell Jennifer about this great blog" or "what would Jennifer think of this story" or "Jennifer would laugh herself silly if I started saying, 'shalom out.'" All the other people have moved on, but for those of us who really knew her, well. A friend told me her mother died six years ago, but it's still the same for her.

So, I've been trying to keep busy. I've been going to classes again, and I like them a lot better than the first place I tried. I've been studying Hebrew and finding it much easier than I thought it would be (although keep in mind the vowels are marked and everything). I have no explanation for it.

Somehow diabetes fades into the background. I think it's like driving is for people - I'm not ignoring it; I just do it on autopilot. Test, bolus, eat, test, bolus, repeat. So far I haven't gotten any job offers, but I'm stepping up my search for a full time position (even though I really don't want to work full time) because my husband hasn't been able to find anything with benefits, and our COBRA runs out in January. And so life goes on, just like it always does.

4 comments:

Amylia said...

aww...sometimes surviving is all we can do, and that alone is a pretty big deal.

thinking of you and sending you positive energy and love.

shalom out, my friend.

In Search Of Balance said...

Oh, Lili. I'm so sorry.

Re: insurance, when my COBRA ran out we set up some kind of emergency stop-gap insurance, with no loss of coverage for just a little more than we had been paying... maybe you could look into that? Let me know if you want more info.

Lili said...

Amylia - Thanks, I needed that.

Beth - I would love more information, thanks.

In Search Of Balance said...

Okay... my husband did it, and he's having trouble remembering the one that we got, but it's either

COBRA continuation

or

COBRA conversion

And he says you can just google them both to see if you'd be eligible for them. Ours is through BCBS of AZ.

Whichever one we got (and I actually think it's the conversion), it's the same good coverage as before, and I have had nothing but positive experiences with it so far, knock on wood. We needed it because a new private plan won't cover existing for 6 months or something crappy like that.