Well

I spent three days installing software on my husband's computer and updating Ubuntu on this machine. I thought the upgrade would help, but now it just runs a lot slower and a lot more things are broken. For example, now it won't open Word documents at all. Okay, then. I get burned out on these things pretty quickly, though. I did manage to get the camera software working on my husband's machine, but his display is not at all like my old one, so I can't tell what the photos look like. They look a lot different on this machine because the display is pretty wonky. So, I'm sorry if the photos look bad!

I have an appointment to see my endo next week. The receptionist called me today to tell me I'm supposed to get labs done tomorrow morning (I was going to anyway, but apparently they actually scheduled me for it and never mentioned it to me) and that they were fasting. Since I hate fasting tests, I know that I just had my cholesterol done six months ago. I asked her to check with the doctor because I'm pretty sure I don't need to have it done for another six months. (My cholesterol was really good, so I'm not sure why I'd need to get it done more often.) She said she would call me right back once she talked to the doctor. I was going to ask if she'd ordered the urine test when she called back, because I think I haven't had that one done in a year. Why they like to schedule the urine test when I'm fasting I don't know, but they tried to do that last time. It, um, doesn't work that way.

Well, it's 5:47 now. So do I fast (UGH), or just tell them to rewrite the lab slip tomorrow? I think she'll give me a hard time about that.

Meme

I've been tagged by Beth and Chrissie.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

1. I've never been to Mexico, but I speak Mexican Spanish.
2. I don't have any tattoos and I don't smoke, but those are the things people seem to assume about me the most.
3. I wrote my first novel when I was in the first grade. It was over 100 pages, about a little girl who had adventures. I haven't written any novels in the past 15 years.
4. I didn't started getting carded until I was 19. It seems to have stopped a year ago, at 28. And I mean I got carded for R rated movies.
5. I love hobbit houses.
6. I have been a vegetarian for 13 years.
7. I was born in Minot, North Dakota. In my 20 years outside ND, I've only met one other person who was born there...but not on the base.

I tag anyone who hasn't been tagged yet!

Okay then

Short story: my computer failed. I don't know when I'll be able to upload photos to the Diabetes 365 project again.

Long story: It's almost certainly a hardware problem. It's a laptop that's given me hardware trouble since the day I got it (March 2004). I've replaced the hard drive twice, the DVD drive once, the power cord twice, and the motherboard once. It just turned itself off, and now it will attempt to boot its little heart out, but it never gets past the "boot Windows in safe mode?" screen. The hard drive is ok and I can get the files, but I really need the software. We have a drive enclosure, but nothing can boot from that, and even better, the drive isn't a SATA drive. In many cases, just installing the software on another machine is not enough. My husband's machine used to have the software all set up, but it failed a month ago (it was even older than my laptop), and we can't get his new machine to boot from the old hard drive.

Since the problem with my machine isn't something easily accessible like the hard drive, the chances of repair are low. The case is so broken that if we opened it up all the way, it would be impossible for us (or a repair place) to get it back together again.

Bottom line: I need a "new" laptop. We haven't ever replaced this one partly because I need a matte screen, a trackpad, and Control keys on both sides of the keyboard. That rules out about 99% of laptops. The other part is, of course, that they're expensive.

Goodnight

Chair thief
Originally uploaded by lilituc.
Marrakech
June 22, 1995 - November 16, 2007

We got him from the Humane Society in Salt Lake City, Utah. There were four fuzzy kittens, all in a ball. They were half Siamese and half Norwegian Forest Cat. About two years ago, we learned about a cattery that had tried to cross the two for some reason. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wonder what ever happened to the other kittens.

Kechie loved corn chips, crackers, and playing with his bell on a string. He figured out how to open doors, turn off lights, and tell us what he wanted. Two days ago, he told us, "something is wrong." The vet examined him and said he thought it was probably cancer, on top of the chronic renal failure. We took him home and gave him painkiller. Last night, he laid down and didn't get up again.

Up Close and Personal

16 November 2007 Day 39
Originally uploaded by lilituc.

I will tell you a secret. When I feel something is wrong, I test my bg (75 cents) and test for ketones ($5.60) not because I think I will see something, but because I want it to be something that I can fix. I want it to be something manageable, like diabetes. Some of my health issues are only partly manageable. Right now one of them is managing me.

I lived with chronic pain from about 1994 to 2005. I say "lived" because the pain went from 5-6 to 1-2, not because I was not having any pain after that. Anyway, I got used to it. OTC pain medications didn't do anything for it, so I didn't bother taking them. I saw a long line of doctors who, I guess because of my circumstances, told me I was "hysterical," that it was "all in my head," acknowledged I was having the pain but said they couldn't do anything about it (?), who said I needed acupuncture (tried it), meditation (do it), needed to relax more (did it) and who sent me to specialists who were even nicer than that.

Now, they did find out that I have some very serious conditions, which they started treating in 2003. Most of the seemingly unrelated diagnoses I have are related to nerves. Please don't tell me to see a neurologist; I've seen two and neither was interested in actually diagnosing or helping me in any way. I've given up on that for now. I'm pretty convinced now that the real issue is that when they were passing out neurological systems, I drew the short, twisted straw and it is manifesting partly as some conditions that don't even have names right now.

I'm not sure why the pain (mostly) went away. It went down when I went on a beta blocker, and dropped significantly when I went on insulin, as did my chronic fatigue, but there's really no explanation in that, is there? Now, I did have bad days here and there where I was back up at 5 or 6 and an occasional 7; this happened mostly when the pressure changed outside.

These past two weeks, though, I've been firmly at 7. The first couple days, OTC medication worked, but not since then. I am not that active to begin with and now I'm having trouble with things like getting around my house. I can't seem to regain my lost skill: getting used to it. So, next week I have to go see my somewhat new Internal Med doctor, whom I have never chatted with about the chronic pain before, and tell him that the pain is back, and that no one ever found a reason for it. But what can he do? Give me a stronger painkiller? Will I have to take it forever? I am worried.

15 November 2007 Day 38

15 November 2007 Day 38
Originally uploaded by lilituc.

Sometimes, being diabetic is an advantage. These syringes are for my cat. He's going to be getting injections of painkiller three times a day. The way that our vet reacts tells us that many people must be unwilling or unable to give their cats injections or subcutaneous fluids. We have no problem with it and find it's much easier for us and for the cat. They can't feel the injections.

The vet was also pleasantly surprised when he didn't need to explain to us why we should give a cat with renal failure an ACE inhibitor, a phosphate binder before meals, and Pepcid.

I didn't actually want the short needle, but the pharmacist was looking at *me* when she got them. They seem to be durable enough, though, whereas my syringes are not.

D-Blog Day

Happy D-Blog Day, everyone!

I would be nowhere without the Diabetes OC. I am a librarian, so I know how to do research. I've read tons of books on diabetes, endocrinology textbooks, read studies and journal articles. I've been told (with a straight face, no less) that I have more training in it than some doctors. Yet something was missing, and I kept hearing false notes. At first, I didn't understand. This is what doctors read. Aren't they supposed to be the experts? Isn't this information supposed to be correct? Forget my own diabetes; what I learned didn't really fit with my experience having a close friend with Type 1.

Recently, someone asked me for a good book on LADA. And, well, there is no good book on LADA. There is no book on LADA. There are only a few books that even mention LADA. So where is the book? It's in our heads. It's in our experiences. We are the experts. I sure hope that the medical establishment catches up, but until then we are out there, sharing our experiences.

Without the experiences of other diabetics, I wouldn't really know anything about diabetes.

Surviving

That is what I'm trying to do..survive. To somehow put my life back together. Some days it's like an emptiness, and other days it's like a punch in the gut. I try not to think about it, but it's hard, because every day it's something. I think, "I have to tell Jennifer about this great blog" or "what would Jennifer think of this story" or "Jennifer would laugh herself silly if I started saying, 'shalom out.'" All the other people have moved on, but for those of us who really knew her, well. A friend told me her mother died six years ago, but it's still the same for her.

So, I've been trying to keep busy. I've been going to classes again, and I like them a lot better than the first place I tried. I've been studying Hebrew and finding it much easier than I thought it would be (although keep in mind the vowels are marked and everything). I have no explanation for it.

Somehow diabetes fades into the background. I think it's like driving is for people - I'm not ignoring it; I just do it on autopilot. Test, bolus, eat, test, bolus, repeat. So far I haven't gotten any job offers, but I'm stepping up my search for a full time position (even though I really don't want to work full time) because my husband hasn't been able to find anything with benefits, and our COBRA runs out in January. And so life goes on, just like it always does.

Type WHAT?!

5 November 2007 Day 28
Originally uploaded by lilituc.

So I've actually seen the words coming out of her mouth on Inside the Actors Studio. It's not better than what was reported; it's worse!

Halle: I had no understanding of what diabetes was. I instantly thought I was going to die, because I heard, "disease" and "okay, after disease there must be death." And I got a very quick education about what diabetes was, and I realize that I probably had it for most of my childhood, but when you're diabetic, nothing hurts.

James Lipton: Is this Type 1?

Halle: It is really Type 1, but classified now as Type 2 because I'm no longer insulin dependent. I was for awhile, and I've managed to wean myself off of insulin, so now I like to put myself in the Type 2 category.

James Lipton: You control it with diet and with exercise?

Halle: Yes.

This is our JDRF spokesperson?