So I'm experiencing a new feeling right now. I'm simultaneously elated and shaking with rage. Why?
Well, the endo called me just now. I told her I'd had it with the clinic and that they were never going to let me have enough insulin. I'd explained all this to her previously, except I didn't know then about that last part. Well, this time she actually seemed to get it. She was shocked that they'd told me I couldn't have more bolus insulin and that I had to be at 50-50. I thought the world had gone mad there for awhile, so it was reassuring to hear her say that I was right. I mean, I was pretty sure I was right, but after the past ten days of being treated like I'm wrong, it's nice to hear the endo say it. She said we don't need to deal with the clinic anymore and that she's happy to make the adjustments I think I need. The first thing we did is lower my insulin/carb ratio to 1/18, although it looks like that's going to be pretty conservative. She agreed that my beta cells seem to be rebelling against the added load.
Why rage? Because I talked to her about all this last week, and told her how I was at my wit's end and I couldn't take anymore, and I even started crying. But she never said anything like this then; she just kept repeating that I had to stick it out with the clinic for a few weeks. It's just that...I feel like I've been through a war and the worst part is that it was completely unnecessary! I guess I just have a problem with inappropriate, rigid rules being forced on me. I always have.
So I hope things will be getting better soon, but it is going to be really hard for me to remember this whole time.