Wednesday, January 10, 2007

well what do you know

So I'm experiencing a new feeling right now. I'm simultaneously elated and shaking with rage. Why?

Well, the endo called me just now. I told her I'd had it with the clinic and that they were never going to let me have enough insulin. I'd explained all this to her previously, except I didn't know then about that last part. Well, this time she actually seemed to get it. She was shocked that they'd told me I couldn't have more bolus insulin and that I had to be at 50-50. I thought the world had gone mad there for awhile, so it was reassuring to hear her say that I was right. I mean, I was pretty sure I was right, but after the past ten days of being treated like I'm wrong, it's nice to hear the endo say it. She said we don't need to deal with the clinic anymore and that she's happy to make the adjustments I think I need. The first thing we did is lower my insulin/carb ratio to 1/18, although it looks like that's going to be pretty conservative. She agreed that my beta cells seem to be rebelling against the added load.

Why rage? Because I talked to her about all this last week, and told her how I was at my wit's end and I couldn't take anymore, and I even started crying. But she never said anything like this then; she just kept repeating that I had to stick it out with the clinic for a few weeks. It's just that...I feel like I've been through a war and the worst part is that it was completely unnecessary! I guess I just have a problem with inappropriate, rigid rules being forced on me. I always have.

So I hope things will be getting better soon, but it is going to be really hard for me to remember this whole time.


Scott K. Johnson said...

That is great news! But, at the same time very frustrating that you had to muddle through all the crap when you had been through this with her before...I think that is kind of weird.

Bernard said...


I'm so glad your endo finally listened to you - interesting that they heard you better on the phone!

I'm so glad that you have some more freedom in what you do. That clinic sounds like they have some real control freaks in there.

Stick it out, I hope it just keeps getting better.

Lili said...

Scott - Yes, it really is. I am feeling more and more like a weight has lifted. It is wonderful. I agree that it's weird, though. I'm not sure what changed, but it seemed like this time she actually heard me.

Bernard - I do respect the clinic's approach and I know it's highly successful, but I do think that when you find someone the system doesn't work for, perhaps you need to allow for an alternative. Thanks.